tradwives, tragedy, and the real cost of the picture perfect life
cw: this article mentions suicide
Please watch Siobhan Brier Aguilar’s YT video for more context (here). These are my thoughts on the topics in her video, The True and Tragic Tale of Ballerina Farm and Candice Miller. She has already done an amazing of summarizing the topics, so I didn’t add much context. Here’s my 2 cents. Enjoy! (:
Tradwife-ry is such a foreign concept to me, but I’m trying not to pass judgment. It just isn't something that applies to or affects my life. I'm Black American. Women have always worked in my family because single income households are rare and impractical. Even the most traditional, devoutly religious church folks I knew encouraged young women to pursue higher education and find job security. Becoming a housewife was never posed as a feasible career option. But what was always pushed and promoted was entrepreneurship.
I’ve heard “You should start a business” “Why don’t you sell this?” “This would be a good business idea” a million times growing up. There isn’t a single hobby I’ve shared with my family that they didn’t immediately recommend I start monetizing. I was selling cake pops and handmade jewelry in middle and high school instead of just, you know, enjoying my hobbies as a kid. The need to constantly be making money goes beyond survival. It’s a mindset created to keep everyone working and/or in debt. It’s just hard to imagine this would apply to wealthy people, too.
Brandon Miller could have easily downsized his life and reigned in his and his wife’s spending, but to do that would require teamwork. Brandon’s father could have looped him into the legal troubles facing the company that Brandon was set to inherit or take over. But that would be asking for help. The individualistic, hustle culture that keeps poor people working also seems to keep rich people in perpetual debt. It forces them to perform for their rich friends, rather than being in community with them. It’s one thing to flex on Instagram but keep it real with your friends. But to not even tell your wife how much money you really have is a scary level of individualism. Brandon was financially irresponsible and racking up a crazy amount of debt while his wife posted aspirational luxury content online.
There had to be working class people who looked at Candice’s Instagram and made her photos part of their mood boards and New Year's resolutions. They probably put pictures of her Chanel bags in their manifesting journals. Meanwhile, they didn’t know – nor did Candice herself – that all that luxury was built on a shaky foundation that would soon crumble. While Candice wasn't encouraging her audience to hustle and work to reach her level of luxury, this story makes me think of the sort of influencers who do. The content creators with courses in their bios that supposedly teaches their "students" how to 'level up' and 'elevate' their status. This sort of stuff is rampant in the black community and it's making a lot of us lonelier. It shifts our culture from a communal one to one that’s "in it for yourself", even if it means alienating yourself from loved-ones to ‘rise up’. Social media is speed-running everyone into complete social isolation and burn out, all to keep up appearances. This is one of the extreme cases of what caring too much about money can do to a person. Brandon placed the image of wealth and success above his family’s safety and security. But why? What are the social consequences of going from being a multi-millionaire to just a millionaire? The answer lies far, far above my tax bracket.
It’s interesting seeing past the facade, into the reality of some of these people’s lives. Makes me wonder if it’s healthy that so many people aspire to live like them. What will it cost to make it into these social circles and stay there? What do you lose? What do you give up? Is that loss worth the extravagant parties, trips on mega-yachts, and ridiculous beauty treatments? I doubt it. It cost Candice her husband, their daughters lost their father, Brandon his life – oh and they’re still in millions of dollars of debt. That’s the added kick in the nuts. After all the turmoil Brandon undoubtedly went through, it all boils down to exploitation. He never should have gotten approved for loans that big or been given such a large line of credit if his company was sinking. But he was, so someone even higher up the food chain could benefit from his sense of desperation. Someone is making more money than I’ll ever hope to see from Candice’s interest rates alone. I guess even millionaires can fall victim to the systems put in place by billionaires.
I just wanna thank you guys for subscribing. I’ve reached 30 subscribers after months of radio silence. I appreciate every single one of you. I’m excited to keep growing, experimenting, learning, and taking myself seriously as an artist. thanks for reading!